Now What?

It’s been quite a year, non? That question is an understatement. Well, at least for me and the majority of my readers.

It could seem like the year is ending with uproar and confusion. Added to that is a year ahead which holds more questions than answers. How do we handle the situation? The question, “Now what?” makes complete sense in a state of affairs that is full of uncertainty.

There really is only one constant:  Change. Much of what we’ve heard around the world is returning our communities to “the way things were,” as if this fantasy past had no problems. Change happens and we can’t move forward into the future while we’re clinging to the past. The truth is that the past had as many problems as we have now, but it’s now that we’re finally talking about them.

The consciousness of the planet is changing. Inequality, lack of equanimity, discrimination and bullying on the local or global level are things that intelligent, educated people are no longer willing to tolerate simply because the answers are inconvenient. To re-write the movie line, “Fast your seat belts. It’s going to be a bumpy [year]!”

So fasten your seat belt. Get a firm idea of where you want to be next time this year. Put your affairs in order, get your ducks in a row, or do whatever it is you must do to realize the security you need to attain contentment and happiness. NO ONE gets to put us down or make us feel less than we are without our consent. REFUSE to consent in any way shape or form to being anything else but your magnificent self!

This will be my last message to you for the year. I leave tomorrow for three days of flying before returning home to celebrate a belated Christmas with my family. Enjoy this beautiful season in spite of the unrest we see around us. As Jesus admonished his followers, be in the world but not of it. In other words, be present in the moment and know the Truth:  You are whole, complete and perfect just the way you are. You are precious and loved. YOU are the Light of the World. Shine brightly now and forever! We’ll chat again in January!

In Spirit, Truth and Playfulness,
Terry

#DrTerryMakingSense
#TerryDrewKaranen
@TerryDKaranen
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Terry Drew Karanen © 2016

Big Girl Panties

Have you got anything bugging you this week? I mean something, or someone, that has just gotten under your skin? This time of year can bring out and up all sorts of “stuff,” for lack of a better word.

Our challenges are unique and often very personal. What may appear to be a huge obstacle in my mind may be a mere trifle for you. However, having said that, I am brought to the reason for the title of this blog, “Big Girl Panties,” as in “Bitch, put on your big girl panties and deal with it!”big-girl-panties

I was looking for sympathy from a friend who believes in tough love. That’s the response I got. Word … for … word. His bedside manner leaves a lot to be desired. But the truth is I was whining and he wasn’t having any of it. At all. Nada. No way. The blessing is he was right. He’s wise enough to know when to stop me from pretending I’m useless, weak or powerless.

Challenges can be opportunities for growth or they can be just the reason we are looking for to stop us from moving forward. Most people are far more afraid of succeeding than they are of failing. Most of us know really well how to fail at something. But how will we deal with success? What will change? Will we lose our friends? Staying stuck can actually be comfortable.

At times like this – and understand that you are the only one that can determine if the time is right – we have to grow out of Pampers® and put on our big girl or big boy panties. How will you know? My answer to that is that when I’ve had to ask it turned out I wasn’t ready. I’ve you’re not ready then stay where you are for now – when you’re ready you’ll know it, so don’t force the issue.

For me, I usually know when I have to go for the “Suck it up, Buttercup!” method. It’s when I start to lament to people about my latest challenge and halfway through the story I start getting bored! There’s that still, small voice inside my head going, “Really? Seriously?”

Take a moment today to ask yourself what “little” irritation has been going on long enough in your life. Determine if it has outlived its usefulness and make the necessary changes to move forward if that’s indicated. Reach out for help if needed, but decide today to blast through one problem child this week. Let me know how that turns out for you!

In Spirit, Truth and Playfulness,
Terry

#DrTerryMakingSense
#TerryDrewKaranen
@TerryDKaranen
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Terry Drew Karanen © 2011, 2016

 

Frying Bacon in the Nude

Do you beat yourself up when you make mistakes? It’s not uncommon, so don’t begin beating yourself up now for previously beating yourself up!

We are taught to put ourselves down. “You shouldn’t have done that,” “little girls should be quiet,” “little boys don’t cry,” and the list goes on. While traveling around the country I hear parents constantly – and often in raised voices – chastising their children for what they’ve done. In airports, hotels and on board airliners too many adults continue to stop children from living, instead of encouraging them to live.

Were you one of those children? If you were precocious as a child – I certainly was – then adults probably tried to silence you quite often. One of my teachers wrote my parents to say I should stop correcting her in front of the other children, even though I was right. Thankfully, I’ve mellowed over the past few decades.

We’re going to screw up. We’re going to do things that make people mad. That’s just how we move through life, but we don’t have to be that way ourselves. We can open up to a completely new way of gentle kindness in dealing with our own foibles, you know, the ones only we know about in our minds.

And we can be mindful every day to take the time we need to care for ourselves. It’s like frying bacon in the nude. As a life-long nudist I remember asking my mother – I must have been about three years old – why the lady cooking at the nudist camp was the only nakedone wearing anything. “Because, Terry,” she explained, “You don’t fry bacon in the nude.”

Getting ready for services one Sunday in my first year of ministry, behind in my schedule as I often was at that time, I found out quite acutely just how right mother was. There are certain things in life we shouldn’t go without. When hot, splattering bacon is involved, an apron is more than a good idea.

So where do you need an apron in your life? Could you imagine spiritually wiping your hands on your imaginary apron the next time you bitch-slapped yourself for something you could have avoided? It’s not about making ourselves wrong. It’s about lovingly deciding, wiping away the guilt – with authority and empowerment – and acknowledging that we can choose again.

We always do the best we can with what we have to work with. If we can do better next time we will. We can always choose again. The trick in our practice is to more often make the better (not right, better for the current moment) choice in the first place. What will you choose today?

In Spirit, Truth and Playfulness,
Terry

#DrTerryMakingSense
#TerryDrewKaranen
@TerryDKaranen
#IAN1

Terry Drew Karanen © 2016

“No” Is a Complete Sentence

(Revised and expanded from the original, published in December 2, 2011)

Do you have a problem telling people “No?” It seems many of my friends or acquaintances feel over-scheduled or stressed-out because of the demands they have put on themselves. Like attracts like, so I too fall into that category more often than I would care to admit.

Please note that responsibility for this situation does not fall on the demands placed on us by others, but rather those that we place on ourselves. We have only ourselves to credit with being too busy, even if it was at the insistence of someone else that we do something. Why? Because we said “Yes.”

We frequently say “Yes” because we cannot think of a convenient, believable or acceptable reason why we should say “No.” How about “I don’t want to do that” for starters?no

“No” is a complete sentence. I am usually amused, sometimes annoyed, by people who respond negatively to a request I have made because they follow their answer with a litany of reasons or excuses why they cannot comply. “No” is a complete sentence!

Personally, I don’t need reasons or do I want excuses. If you do, fine. I don’t need that sort of thing because I hope someone is unable to fulfill my request because they have something even more wonderful and exciting to do. Good for them!

If you don’t want to do something someone else asks of you, please say “No, thank you!” Not, “No, because …,” which is only going to set you up for a discussion of why you should relent. Acting out of obligation instead of willingness doesn’t encourage clarity; neither does making excuses that sound like our own personal pity party. When we agree to do anything we don’t want to do we muddy the energy around us. Instead of enjoying the task, we experience an underlying, nagging feeling of resentment. Why not respectfully decline and allow someone else who wants to fulfill the request be given the opportunity to serve?

Just for part of today, think carefully before you answer “Yes” to something you don’t want to do. Weigh the outcome, take a deep breath, and then answer from your heart. If you can say “No” without anger, resentment or attitude you will find a freedom you haven’t experienced up until now.

In Spirit, Truth and Playfulness,
Terry

#DrTerryMakingSense
#TerryDrewKaranen
@TerryDKaranen
#IAN1

Terry Drew Karanen © 2011, 2016